HARD HAT ZONE

Well this a hard hat zone, so don't you come alone
'Cause you've got to protect your head, or you will end up dead

La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la! Hey!

La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la!
La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la!

With a hard hat on my head, it keeps me safe and sound
From all the other boneheads
Who are rockin' head-first around this town

Hard hat zone, keep your hard hat
It's a hard hat zone, keep your hard hat on
Oh yes a hard hat zone, keep your hard hats on

Well this is the Glasgow train, and I got a Tennents' brain
We're playing away from home, we're playing the tartan zone
(and there's something wrong)
Well can you feel there's something wrong, in this heavy steaming zone
Well can't you feel the steaming presence,
Of a heavy breathing, sermon heaving, hard hat clone

It's a hard hat zone, keep your hard hats
Hard hat zone, keep your hard hats on
Oh yes a hard hat zone, keep your hard hats on

Hard hats on
La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la! Oi!

La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la!
La la-la-la la la la la-la-la la la la la-la!

Well now you got your hard hat
Now you got your hard head
Now you got your bald head
And now you are an egg head

Well rip out the plastic bit inside
And then pull the brim right over your eyes
And hold your head up high, and proudly raise your bollard to the sky

It's a hard hat zone, keep your hard hats
Hard hat zone, keep your hard hats on
Yeah yeah, a hard hat zone, keep your hard hats on

And we've all, got our hard hats on, yes we have
'Cause we're all, in a hard hat zone, yeah yeah yeah yeah
And we've all, got our hard hats on
You've gotta put your hats on


BIG LID TROUBLE

BIG LID TROUBLE!

I used to be a man of thought but I forgot what I was taught
Big Lid Trouble
There was a time when I was clever but now I'm not, oh no not ever
Big Lid Trouble

We used to be contenders, we were witty, clever, intelligence vendors
Big Lid trouble up, my head bubble up
But went downhill on a bender, which turned out to be a never-ender

I used to have an intellect, but now I've only got a neck
Big Lid Trouble
I wanted to study astronomy but black hole head prevented me
Big Lid Trouble

Big Lid Trouble trouble up, my head bubble up

Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh. ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ha!
Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh. ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ha!
Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh. ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ha!
Ah huh, ah huh, yeah, yeah, yeah

I used to have a lid, I did, I did, I did
But now I'm ill-equipped because my lid has flipped

Off-licence give us big trouble, when we walk passed it we see double
Big Lid Trouble
I wanted to be a scientist, but spent my time just getting p-p-pissed
Big Lid Trouble

We used to be contenders, we were witty, clever, intelligence vendors
Big Lid trouble up, my head's all rubber nuts
Which went downhill on a bender, which turned out to be a never-ender

This is the story of Johnny Bubble
He drank too much and he's seeing double
He hasn't shaved his head, his head's all stubble
You know he's got... BIG LID TROUBLE

(How do you spell lid?)

B-I, B-I-G, B-I-G, BIG
L-I, L-I-D, L-I-D, LID

BIG LID TROUBLE, Big Lid, Big Lid



UGLY

Oh no, oh no, oh no no no, oh no, oh no, oh no no nooooooo

Goodness gracious me you're so ugly
Goodness me what am I gonna do?
Well you've got rough bits where your smooth bits should be
So why do I keep on loving you?

Well your face is long and wrinkly, it's lost its fight with gravity
And baby when you smile at me your chin hangs down below your knees

Oh goodness gracious me you're so ugly
Oh goodness me what am I gonna do?
Well you've got rough bits where your smooth bits should be
So why do I keep on loving you?

Oh with your long red hair baby, I don't care
That you've got a nose to match
And beauty they say is only skin deep anyway
Baby, I'm banking on that

Oh no, oh no, oh no no no, oh no, oh no, oh no no nooooooo

Oh goodness gracious me you're so ugly
Oh goodness me what am I gonna do?
Well you've got rough bits where your smooth bits should be
So why do I keep on loving...
Why do I keep on loving...
Why do I keep on loving you?


SUMMER IN THE CITY

Summer in the city, well ain't that quaint
Melting down the tarmac, and cracking up the paint
But our love, will last longer than the Summer time
Than April's heady wine

Well, Summer in the city, heat haze in the street
Crane-flies at my window, and flip-flops on my feet
Oh but our love, will last longer than the Summer time
Than Autumn's sad decline, the moon in June's so fine

Daytime's lazy when the sun comes down
Long shadows all over town
I'm going to where the sun shines best
That's with you, my hoochie-coochie baby

That's what you are

Summer in the city, now ain't that grand
Strolling through the parkway, holding hands

Well, I've been listening to the birds and bees
There's a rumour spreading through the trees
That this Summer's gonna see out me and you
But don't you believe it my coo-coo-ca-choo

Summer in the city, cat stretched in the yard
Fried eggs on the pavement, don't work too hard
Don't work too hard, don't work too hard
Don't you work too hard, don't work too hard


HOODLUM

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

I don't know why, I don't care
I just-a-feel like I'm a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
You say I'm lazy, I say you're crazy
Who cares? 'cause I'm a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum

Well this way you feel, it makes no sense
I can't believe it's just a coincidence
You say I'm all spent, and you're a real gent
But oh no, I'm just a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum

And I Iike to dress in the latest acrylic
When I've got my shopping bag, well I'll fill it

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

You see that, the way you feel, it makes no sense
I can't believe it's just a coincidence
You say I'm all spent, and you're a real gent
But oh no, I'm just a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum


JOB CLUB

They found him locked up in the basement
And decided he needed replacement
Two men in white coats with policemen
Said we're taking you down to the station

She's one hell of a despatch rider
She reminds me of Bodicea
She's got everything going for her
And I wonder if I'll ever meet her

So I nip out to the larder
And I'm itching for Quellada
Just like the last bus out to Peckham
I don't like the way I'm heading

As I dream of pastures new, green grass, green money too
Destiny takes me by the hand, fills one with shit and one with jam

I've got a bath plug and chain collection
I've been spotting trains down at the station
I'm on my way to a steam convention
I've got a stamp collection worth a mention

I saw him in my coat and hat
He took them from the launderette
He says I'll never get them back
He's leaving for the Himalayas

So I reason to conclusion
The conclusion not to reason
I'm losing all my marbles
And conkers aren't in season

When I kiss a girl, my tongue slithers all around
If romance was the gaffer, and she wore riding clobber
The ultimate I'd offer
Is to spend the night down in the Job Club

I've got a bath plug and chain complexion
I've been picking fights down at the station
I'm on my way to an endless vacation
Yes I'm the figurehead of the nation


PIDGE AIN'T IN

Pidge, are you in? No, I'm out

Pidge ain't in he's gone out (I'm out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out
(I'm out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out (I'm out)
He's gone out (I'm out) gone out (I'm out)
He's gone out

I was young and loved, by a girl I had known
She longed for the day when she could call me her own
And all sorts of excuses, I used to make
When she'd hang around me everyday

And in the evening, she'd knock on my door
I'd say go away, don't want to see you no more
I'd say, 'go away, or in trouble I'll get'
But she made a vow she'd get Pidge yet

Pidge ain't in he's gone out (I'm out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out
(I'm out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out (slipped out)
He's gone out (passed on) gone out (I'm out)
He's gone out

Ba-ba-ba...

He's gone out, he's gone out

Pidge ain't in he's gone out (take it Dan)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out
(get out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out
He's gone out (I'm out) gone out (I'm out)
He's gone out

So I hid from her everyday, decided it was the only way
Till she discovered my den, she said, Pete...
Hid from her everyday, decided it was the only way
Till she discovered my den, she said
'Pidge I want to bear your children'

Pidge ain't in he's gone out (I'm out)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out
(get it up)
Pidge ain't in he's gone out (get it in)
He's gone out (get it out) gone out (out out)
He's gone out


WALTZ SCHMALTZ

Each morn when he risen, he strolls into the bathroom
Look down on the streets, where he sees her once more
The sun breaks through the dust but still bitter is the air
It's the smell of stale perfume, dead water and her

She walk down the street, she knows how to make a heart beat
Not how to hear it, but how much to charge
It's not what it takes, it's what gives and what is asked for
It's not what it cost, but what walks out the door

But spurned in vain, as he wanes by increasing
I'm dreaming of lock jaw, I'm dreaming of waltzing
The starlight and jaundice, and piss coloured moonbeams and you

Each morn when he risen, he strolls into the bathroom
Look down on the streets, where he sees her once more
The sun breaks through the dust but still bitter is the air
It's the smell of stale perfume, dead water and her

But spurned in vain, as he wanes by increasing
I'm dreaming of lock jaw, I'm dreaming of waltzing
The starlight and jaundice, and piss coloured moonbeams and you...

(Seal break)

She walk down the street, she knows how to make a heart beat
Not how to hear it, but how much to charge
It's not what it takes, it's what gives and what is asked for
It's not what it cost, but what walks out the door


POMPEY STOMPEY

When I'm cold, and when I'm hungry
I think of home, think of Pompey
Before I'm old, with a Max Wall haircut
I shall return, and find the pubs shut

And our Mums, like all the others
Boiled fat, for our dinners
On the bus downtown, Dr Marten's gave us blisters

I want to meet jug-ears in the North End Wimpy
(Play up Pompey, Pompey play up)
Watch the school girls in their frocks so skimpy
(Play up Pompey, Play up)
Walk the streets until the sun comes up
(Play up Pompey, Pompey play up)
And we'll all go down the pub and get Nev to fill 'em up
(Play up Pompey, Play up)

We use to hide from, all the hard nuts
Now they're clerks, they've all got beer guts
Outside Cantoys, that's where the kids at
Like Paul Weller, he's old and fat now

And it's PFC, old Portsmouth you're the only place, the place for me,
By far the greatest city that the world has ever seen
(over the first verse)

I want to meet jug-ears in the North End Wimpy
(Play up Pompey, Pompey play up)
Watch the school girls in their frocks so skimpy
(Play up Pompey, Play up)
Walk the streets until the sun comes up
(Play up Pompey, Pompey play up)
And we'll all go down the pub and get Nev to fill 'em up
(Play up Pompey, Play up)

Play up Pompey, Pompey play up...


ENUFF GUFF

I've had more than enough, most of the time
Don't talk to me about feeling fine
As each day ends, I've had it up to here
To make it all worse they've put tuppence on a beer

As each day breaks, I wanna hide
More often than not, I wanna throw in the towel
Around midday, I have to say
That the prospect of more, fills me with dismay

And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat

Down at the pub, at happy hour
We're swinging from by our necks and the beer's gone sour
As each day ends, I wanna cry
But when I see you I want to die

And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat
And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat


GOUGH BROTHERS/PARTY

Good evening all f**king English c**ts out there, f**kin' b*****ds,
'Ere, f**k you, what, what yer say? You're a c**t

Well, what's this I hear about me and my pal,
And me what yer sayin' about him and me,
I'll piss up yer like you were a tree

'Cause the Gough Brothers are all right with me

They're doin' me good, treat me fine,
Those two good old pal of mine,
Doin' good bitter at 99p

The Gough Brothers are all right with me

Only 49p for a strong beer, you English c**nts turn a hair,
Watch out laddie I'll have your ear

'Cause the Gough Brothers are all right with me

Ploughman's at 39p
Boags lager at 49p
Baxter's bitter at 99p
It's good enough for me

What's that yer drinkin', that snotty stuff,
What's up with this, it ain't good enough,
Just 'cause it was 20p
Ain't the Gough Brothers good enough for thee?

Spent most of my days with a nail through my head
Well, you know what I mean Jimmy, know what I mean Jimmy,
You know what I mean,
It costs just to breathe in this city and I took a really deep breath
You know what I mean Jimmy, you know what I mean Jimmy

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee Hooooooooooo!

The Lord looked down upon our land to see what he could see
He founded a bank in Texas, and for a manager he chose me
If you believe as I do, as I do, as I do
You'll feel his love as I do, and profit from his name

Oh yessiree (oh yessiree), oh yesiree (oh yessiree)
We were havin' a party!

Well have you heard about the coming of the second profit,
I saw it coming long ago, directed to my pocket

Oh yessiree (oh yessiree), oh yesiree (oh yessiree)
We were havin' a party!

The Lord was havin' a party, yesiree
You better dress up smartee, yesiree
You better starch your collar, yesiree
And bring your 50 dollars, yesiree, that's all!



BRACE YOURSELF

You mean more to me, than my life's entirety
Than a pint of brown, a stroll down town
Or a steaming mug o' tea

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
Can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear, woh oh oh oh
Brace yourself my dear

When I see you my heart it flips, but my eyes they double glaze
Well there's no paths I take, no moves I make
Oh it's such that I'm amazed

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
Can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear
Brace yourself my dear

But now I doss on distant shores, I remember your face no more
And the time won't pass, nothing good can last
But my hopes, my dreams, my fears and things

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
I can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear, woh oh oh oh
Brace yourself, get your arse off the shelf, come on
Brace yourself my dear


GOIN' HOME

We used to watch on television all that they did show
And sometimes in the Winter we'd go sledging in the snow
My Mum and Dad would argue about how to cook the roast
My brother never spoke to me, when I wore his coat

We'd lie around smoking 20 good-night fags till late
We'd play old songs, have sing-a-longs, while jeering up our mates
We used to watch on television all that they did show
Once a fortnight we'd sign on, down the ol' King Cole

But those were the days when we were living with our folks
There was fire, food and fags and beer and beds
But now those days have gone, well things just ain't the same
We're on the beaten track
We've got things to do and friends to make
Well I wish they'd take us back

Arguing till dawn about who'd make a pot of tea
Playing cards and cigarettes while watching the TV
And Dr Death, the ace of spades, decided all our fates
Chewing up old pepper corns and spewing into plates

And when we'd watch on television, all that they did show
We'd steal upstairs after dark to try on granny's clothes
My Mum would lie in bed and wonder, what was all that noise
Naively thinking to herself, "boys will be boys"

The time has come, and in the sun
We're gonna run, run, run, run, run away
So come on by, and drink this town dry

Skiving school all afternoon, to catch up on TV
Coffee, fags at Woody's house, another pot of tea
Why, sure we'd watch on television all that they did show
We'd always watch the television, no where else to go

Television on, what's on the box my son?
Now it seems all we do, is to reminisce
We're slumped in front of televisions, bleary eyed and pissed

But those were the days when we were living with our folks
There was fire, food and fags and beer and beds
But now those days have gone, well things just ain't the same
We're on the beaten track
We've got things to do and friends to make
Well I wish they'd take us back


RICH BITCH

Well you read about strange fellas on the news, boys
Who go out each night and get quite drunk on booze, boys
I think it's kinda funny, but if I only had the money
I tell you that's the sort of thing I'd do

If I'd been born rich I would never live the same
I think I'd go and change my poxy name
I'd use women as a bed, I'd call them all Fred
'Cause it's hard to recall 50 different names

When my girl's all dressed up in her rose and beads
And her korgi's got more diamonds on his lead
I'd go out with all my friends
Where I know it never ends
Boil up a pot of mash and beans

When I see the champagne party dressed in ice
I imagine that it must be very nice
To eat the caviar, sat in chauffeured car
While I have to go home and eat boiled rice

And in the Summer sky, I plant my eye-de-eye
Look to the ripening sun
Think of Summer shores, where women don't wear bras
The days are short and night are long
Come on, a song on yonder sun

Ya da da...

The return of the digeridoo

So when I find myself-a feeling little down
And all plastered cross my face you see a frown
I'll forget about my dreaming
I just won't bother scheming
It won't do me no good less I get around

Well you read about strange fellas on the news, boys
Who go out each night and get quite drunk on booze, boys
Well it leaves me feeling funny
If I only had the money
I tell you that's the sort of thing I'd do

And in the Summer sky, I plant my eye-de-eye
I look to the ripening sun
Think of Summer shores, where women don't wear bras
Days are short and night are long

Come on, a song on yonder sun


CAN YOU LEND ME 20p

Rockin' train, that guitar train, rolling down the track
He's got electric fingers and a two ton plectrum sack
Here he come that Nutley boy, people say he's dumb
People say he got round head, but oh no not true son

Can you lend me 20p
One for him and one for me
I've got to get to Aldgate East

Swami's at the cooker again, cooking him some toast
Said he wouldn't mind so much, but he's just seen a ghost
Here he come that Nutley boy, people say he's dumb
People say he got round head, but oh no not true son

Can you lend me 20p
One for him and one for me
I've got to get to Aldgate East

You goin' sing with me brothers?
Yar da - da...

Rockin' train, that guitar train, rolling down the track
He's got electric fingers and a two ton plectrum sack
Here he come that Nutley boy, people say he's dumb
People say he got round head, but oh no not true son

Can you lend me 20p
One for him and one for me
I've got to get to Aldgate East

Can you lend me 20p
One for him and one for me
I've got to get to Aldgate East


THE THREE JOES

Excuse me sir, could you lend me 20p
Can you lend me the price of a cup of tea
Don't you know, I love you baby
Don't you know, you drive me crazy

So how are you doing, you doing all right?
I'm doing all right pal, doing all right
Can't you see, don't you know I'm loaded
Just look at me, look at me, I just can't fail
And ooooooooooooh, I'm loaded, oh oh oh oh oh I'm loaded
They wouldn't let me in, they wouldn't let me in
I just nudged me elbow, the window went in

By the light of the moon, la la-la la-la
We'd sip and croon, la la-la la
And drink some beer and sing some songs
And hello Portsmouth I hear that Tottenham lost 1-0
How do you feel?

Down Memory Lane, la la-la la-la
We'd catch a train, la la-la la
And light a fire and build a bed
And hello gorgeous

By the light of the moon, la la-la la-la
We'd sip and croon, la la-la la
And drink some songs and sing some beer
And hello gorgeous


TANGO SLAMDANCE

Now what this world needs, is some kinda song
Something you can listen to, enjoy and sing along
And if you feel excited and think that you can dance
Well, come on and give yourself a chance

Well you've been out all night and yes, you've been drinking
And yes sir, boss sir, know what you're thinking
You need something, something exciting
Ooh well, something to do, well like a...

Tango Slamdance, that's what I asked for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I came for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I live for
Ooh baby, that's what I wanna, wanna...
Tango Slamdance, that's what I asked for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I came for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I live for
Ooh baby, just let me dance

Well you've been out, and you've been drinking
And yes sir, boss sir, know what you're thinking
You need something, something exciting

Ooh well, something to do, a like a...

Tango Slamdance, that's what I asked for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I came for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I live for
Ooh my baby, just rip, rip, rip, rip it up now...

Just give me one night with The Ramones
At a lid-flipped concert
I'll be out there on my own, a lid-flipped expert
Well I've been out all night and well I've been drinking
I wanted something to do, like a

Tango Slamdance, that's what I asked for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I came for
Tango Slamdance, that's what I live for
Ooh yeah


HERE I GO AGAIN

Here I go again, oh much too much to drink again
It's never been quite like this before
Oh won't you marry me, if you could only carry me
Could you please show me the door

Well to get this story right, I got into a fight
At the pub, well I had to, you see
I saw this woman there, fell in love with her golden hair
And her boyfriend beat the shite, out of me

So for everyone, who thinks it's fun
You should feel my head today
So for everyone, who thinks it's fun
It's wasting me away

Waste me away...

So wherever you may roam, wherever you may be
Please think of me friends, think of me
For in a bar-room sure, I'll be prostrate on the floor
And they'll all, be fighting 'cause of me

So for everyone, who thinks it's fun
You should feel my head today
So for everyone, who thinks it's fun
It's wasting me away
Yes, it's wasting me away



All songs ©The Vulcans
2007

 

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