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Dear Vulcans,
I saw you live at the Astoria and felt inspired to write this poem.
I hope you like it.

Here come the Vulcan boys, with their hair so blond
The crowd let out the chant of ‘Hard Hats On!’
All dressed in white coats, like some baker’s jamboree
They perform like in a rain dance of an indian cherokee

There’s Dan on drums, a steady rolling beat,
Funky bass aplenty, supplied by Pete
Ray strums a chord, and the house comes down
That’s the rhythm section, the jewel in rock’s crown

Harry grabs the mike, and screams ‘Let’s go’
Mark and Nick charge forth and we’re on with the show
The band are in full flight, the “la la” banner is unfurled
They’re the greatest rock and roll band in the whole entire world

Kylie Merson, Manchester, UK


Dear Vulcans,

I bought your Bollardized CD last month - it was fantastic and I especially loved the song, The Three Joes. Can you tell me who The Three Joes are?
Sally Webster, Slough, UK

Dear Sally,
Good question - we get asked this a lot. Joe was a great friend and inspiration to us when the band played around London's fashionable Covent Garden. He would appear from behind a bin or pillar, more often than not a Special Brew in hand, and thrill us with his tales and songs. You can see him on the site in the selection of photographs or on the TV show 'That's Entertainment' on which The Vulcans appeared. This will be featured in the upcoming film on the band.


Dear Vulcans,

When is the Vulcans' movie going on general release? My friends and I can hardly contain ourselves. Also, I heard a rumour that the band would be playing live at some of the cinemas. Is this true?
Lisa Munday, Gosport, UK

Dear Lisa,
Good question - we get asked this a lot. The film will be premiered in the coming months in London's fashionable and swanky West End on Friday 3rd August 2007. It will be a star-studded occasion with Tom Cruise, Michael Douglas, Beverley Glitter and Orson Welles rumoured to be attending. And I can confirm that The Vulcans WILL be appearing and giving fans a first preview of songs from their new album, Innuendo and out the Other. Check the film page for details on how to get tickets.


Dear Vulcan fans called Colin,
Hiya all Colins out there! We are organising a Colin Convention on the 2nd November at the Connaught Rooms and are inviting Colins from around the world to attend. This will be our third annual event and we are expecting the biggest turnout yet. Please pass on this message to any Colins you know and let's make this year's event one to remember.
Colin Devonshire, Norwich, UK

Dear Colin,
Glad to help out. Let us know how it goes.


Some colleuge and i are makeing short science fiction film we have no budget (we did have but we try to multiply it by selling a feeld full of 'groovy grass' in poland and we get caught and have to pay all our moneys for fine) anyways, we need someone to make six genetically engineered walls of very realistic living female breasts which breathe and wobble, about 1000 per wall please. no computer shit.
thanks louie transco, spain

Dear Louie,
It sounds like an exciting project. Good luck. Any other readers are welcome to advertise for products or services here. However, The Vulcans cannot be held responsible for the quality of these services.


Dear Vulcans,
I am anxious to start chatting and exchanging mp3s and photographs with your many fans around the world. When does the chatroom go live?
Steve Upsworth, New York, USA

Dear Steve,
Very soon! As you can imagine, with the technology in its infancy, hosting a chatroom is no mean feat. But you'll be pleased to know, we've had a dedicated team of bald men with wirey tufts of white hair at the sides of their heads working overtime, and that the launch date has now been set
- click chatroom page for details!
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