CRAZY ZOO

Well I saw a cat, it had no hair
I saw a green, glowing bear
I saw a tiger, it had no teeth
I saw a bison, it had no beef
I saw an elephant, with no proboscis
I saw a mouse, but the elephant squashed it

Well, I saw a crazy, mixed up zoo
Well how about you?

Over there, over there, over there, over there, over there
We learn to eat, we learn to drink, and pretty soon we will learn how to think

Well there’s a man outside, he’s nailed up to a tree
Well he looks a bit like Jesus to me
Well there’s 10,000 people, stampin’ on the daisies
She’s mad, she’s weird, oh Christ she’s crazy

Well, I saw a crazy, mixed up zoo
Well how about you?

Harmonica!

Well I saw a cat, it had no hair
I saw a green, glowing bear
I saw a tiger, it had no teeth
I saw a bison, and it had no beef
I saw an elephant, with no proboscis
I saw a mouse, but the elephant squashed it

Well, I saw a crazy, mixed up zoo
Well, I saw a crazy, mixed up zoo
Well how about... well how about... well how about...
Well how about you?


BEACH BEAT

Well you read about strange fellas on the news
Who go out each night and get quite drunk on booze
I think it's kinda funny, but if I only had the money
I tell you that's the sort of thing I'd do

When my girl's all dressed up in her rose and beads
And her wristband's got more diamonds than he needs
Well we go out with all our friends
Where the fun never ends
We dance into the night to Jan & Dean

And in the Summer sky, I plough my earth so high
Look to the ripening sun
Think of Summer shores, all the beaches and the bars
The days are short as night are long

When I find myself-a feeling little down
And all plastered cross my face you see a frown
I'll forget about my scheming
I just won't bother dreaming
'Cause it does me no good less I get around

Wipe out!

Well you read about strange fellas on the news
Who go out each night and get quite drunk on booze
tWell they don't bother dreaming
They don't bother scheming
They just go out and do what they want to do

And in the Summer sky, I plough my earth so high
Look to the ripening sun
Think of Summer shores, all the beaches and the bars
Days are short as night are long

Are you ready?


HOODLUM

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

I don't know why, I don't care
I just-a-feel like I'm a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
You say I'm lazy, I say you're crazy
Who cares? 'cause I'm a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum

Well this way you feel, it makes no sense
I can't believe it's just a coincidence
You say I'm all spent, and you're a real gent
But oh no, I'm just a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum

And I Iike to dress in the latest acrylic
When I've got my shopping bag, well I'll fill it

Well it's been a long time since I went in a pub
I spend a hard, hard day working up the Job Club

You see that, the way you feel, it makes no sense
I can't believe it's just a coincidence
You say I'm all spent, and you're a real gent
But oh no, I'm just a huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum
A huddla hoodla huddla hoodlum


FARNHAM

If I can drink it, then I’ll buy it
If it sinks then I’ll go out and fly it
If it hurts me, then I’ll try it
If the truth is out I’ll simply deny it

But in the small town the bikers’ grip strengthens
The blues pub opening hours lengthen
So you struggle on, thinking you’re strong
Like some Russian sailor’s labour song

Heave ho, heave ho

A second sitting, if it’s fitting
I couldn’t leave the table if I tried
Oh indigestion, there’s no question
I suffer from it every bleedin’ night

So when the gong goes bong, the clock seems wrong
It should have been about half past nine
We hear the call for one and all
Ladies and gentlemen, time

Heave ho, heave ho

Heave that jug, oh pour that charm
We’re leaving together, lord, arm in arm
Heave that jug, oh pour that charm
We’re leaving together, lord, arm in arm

When the snow falls, so the sun shines
When the phone rings, oh God so the dog whines
But I’m in the sin bin, and the roof’s caved in
So I have another gin with old Rin Tin Tin

But in the small town the bikers’ grip strengthens
The blues pub opening hours lengthen
So you struggle on, thinking you’re strong
Like some Russian sailor’s labour song

Heave ho, heave ho, heave ho!


BRACE YOURSELF

You mean more to me, than my life's entirety
Than a pint of brown, a stroll down town
Or a steaming mug o' tea

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
Can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear, woh oh oh oh
Brace yourself my dear

When I see you my heart it flips, but my eyes they double glaze
Well there's no paths I take, no moves I make
Oh it's such that I'm amazed

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
Can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear
Brace yourself my dear

But now I doss on distant shores, I remember your face no more
And the time won't pass, nothing good can last
But my hopes, my dreams, my fears and things

But like everything else I cannot be trusted
I can't be lent on at all
I carouse in the lure of failure
So brace yourself my dear, woh oh oh oh
Brace yourself, get your arse off the shelf, come on
Brace yourself my dear


JOB CLUB

They found him locked up in the basement
And decided he needed replacement
Two men in white coats with policemen
Said we're taking you down to the station

She's one hell of a despatch rider
She reminds me of Bodicea
She's got everything going for her
And I wonder if I'll ever meet her

So I nip out to the larder
And I'm itching for Quellada
Just like the last bus out to Peckham
I don't like the way I'm heading

As I dream of pastures new, green grass, green money too
Destiny takes me by the hand, fills one with shit and one with jam

I've got a bath plug and chain collection
I've been spotting trains down at the station
I'm on my way to a steam convention
I've got a stamp collection worth a mention

I saw him in my coat and hat
He took them from the launderette
He says I'll never get them back
He's leaving for the Himalayas

So I reason to conclusion
The conclusion not to reason
I'm losing all my marbles
And conkers aren't in season

When I kiss a girl, my tongue slithers all around
If romance was the gaffer, and she wore riding clobber
The ultimate I'd offer
Is to spend the night down in the Job Club

I've got a bath plug and chain complexion
I've been picking fights down at the station
I'm on my way to an endless vacation
Yes I'm the figurehead of the nation


IN THE NAVY

Push with the wind boys, cast away
Follow the sun round all the day
I’m off to Portsmouth town to sea
I’m off to join the navy

‘Cause money’s short and needs is tall
Excitement’s lacking most of all
I only see one choice for me
I’m off to join the navy

Because I’ve had enough of being poor
I know just what I’m looking for
Pockets full I’d come ashore
And have myself a ball
I’ve had enough of being poor
I know just what I’m looking for
Pockets full I’d come ashore
And have myself a ball

Hanging round these city streets
Dreaming of the merchant fleet
The Gulf seems safe enough to me
I’m off to join the navy

Find myself some reflagged ship
Food to eat and a place to kip
Never mind the misery
I’m off to join the navy

Because I’ve had enough of being poor
I know just what I’m looking for
Pockets full I’d come ashore
And have myself a ball
I’ve had enough of being poor
I know just what I’m looking for
Pockets full I’d come ashore
And have myself a ball

No use standing round no more
Pockets empty, fingers bored
I’m off to Albert Johnson quay
I’m off to join the navy

So push with the wind boys, cast away
Follow the sun round all the day
I’m off to Portsmouth town to sea
I’m off to join the navy
I’m off to join the navy
I’m off to join the navy


LADY LUCK

Well you’re standing on the crow’s nest, looking down upon the deck
You get’s to thinkin’ you could help your standing with a bet
So I sits down and has myself an honest game of poker
Put me money on the nail, but out popped out the joker

You cleaned me out, when you dealt me in
You thought I was a loser when you saw my top lip sweating
Three kings were knocking on my front door
And my ears started flapping like they were in a storm

Luck be a lady, a lady tonight
Luck be a lady, don’t leave me on my own tonight
Luck be a lady, a lady tonight,
Luck be a lady, don’t leave me on my own

You cleaned me out, when you dealt me in
You thought I was a loser when you saw my top lip sweating
Three kings were knocking on my front door
And my ears started flapping like they were in a storm

The night is done, I’ve had me fun, kept out the wet and cold
I'm waiting for the night boat, left my boat pass in the hold
I told myself that life was richer than the cash I had
The bloke I lost my money to sailed by me in a cab

Luck be a lady, a lady tonight
Luck be a lady, don’t leave me on my own tonight
Luck be a lady, a lady tonight,
Luck be a lady, don’t leave me on my own


MOROCCO

As the moon starts to sink, in the night squid ink
And the day is almost come
From these islands of snow, we must rise, we must go
To the lands where no water flows

As the night’s veil lifts, and the continents shift
With a pound-stretching, wrenching groan
We are up and away, for we live for the day
The world will unite and say
Here today gone to Morocco

And so as planned, the worm uncanned
We stand around and then we all, fall down

We’re so old we’re so old
Always cold we’re so cold
But we’re going back out, where the frail lost out
We’re off to the land of the bold
Yes, we’re off to the land of the bold

Soup kitchen, take it away...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah...

You stay, I say, let’s go, I pay, you say, oh no
The roach storms out, slamming the door
The moth by the window, tries to drown the mosquito
And the bucket by my bed, sloshes through my head

Aaah aah aah aah

We’re here today, we’re going to Morocco
We’re here today, we’re going to Morocco etc.


SALT LIPS

Through days of salt lips, chapped and sore
I saw the world and wanted more
The icy rigging split my palms
I left my leg in a foreign land

With a yo ho ho and a kingdom come
My life is almost done

The ship is filled with kegs galore
We sail away then bring back more
I never see a single pound
I think I’ll never reach dry land

With a yo ho ho and a kingdom come
My life is almost done

Well all ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
And I think it will never be me no more
And I think it will never be me no more

The port is filled with wholesome girls
But now it seems a far off world
And damned am I to sail these seas
Bereft of life’s festivities

With a yo ho ho and a kingdom come
My life is almost done

Well all ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
All ashore, let’s go to shore
And I think it will never be me no more
And I think it will never be me no more

Well all ashore, ashore
All ashore, ashore
All ashore, ashore
All ashore, ashore
And I think it will never be me no more
And I think it will never be me no more


SURVEY SID

Come on down!

I always had a big lid, had one since I was a kid
Always had a bad head, bad brain dripped right down my leg
Well talking was a problem, brain-mouth sync bad overflow
Bad case of brain-sprain, intellect slipped down the drain

Just as I was feeling safe, shoulders back and lid in place
Took myself out on the town, bad attack it knocked me down

At school I had it bad, bad add lad make teacher sad
Always making trouble, heap big friends with Ernie Bubble
Wood worm, blood clot well set in, downhill slide long since begin
Well on course no turning back, head-on crash big lid attack

Round midnight down in the ba(sement), insects coming out to play
I'm too scared to leave my bed, slimey slug trails through my head

And the survey said
And the survey said
And the survey said

And the survey said, higher
And the survey said, higher
And the survey said, higher
And the survey said, higher

Now I got my head straight, brain in bath to incubate
Vacuum skull becomes me, sudden shock make hair fall out
Golden lid above me, jewels inset to scintilate
Big lid always love me, love too deep to contemplate

Just as I was leaning back, big lid launch last big attack
Direct hit by cardiac, big bright world turn ghastly black
Just as I was leaning back, big lid launch last big attack
Direct hit by cardiac, big bright world turn nasty, ghastly black


MY LITTLE PINKIE

When I see you dancing, it makes me feel like dancing
Kept together in the smallest way
My little pinkie, and your little pinkie
I think it's gonna be a lovely day
I think it's gonna be a lovely day

If I was a rich man


SUMMER IN THE CITY

Summer in the city, well ain't that quaint
Melting down the tarmac, and cracking up the paint
But our love, will last longer than the Summer time
Than April's heady wine

Well, Summer in the city, heat haze in the street
Crane-flies at my window, and flip-flops on my feet
Oh but our love, will last longer than the Summer time
Than Autumn's sad decline, the moon in June's so fine

Daytime's lazy when the sun comes down
Long shadows all over town
I'm going to where the sun shines best
That's with you, my hoochie-coochie baby

That's what you are

Summer in the city, now ain't that grand
Strolling through the parkway, holding hands

Well, I've been listening to the birds and bees
There's a rumour spreading through the trees
That this Summer's gonna see out me and you
But don't you believe it my coo-coo-ca-choo

Summer in the city, cat stretched in the yard
Fried eggs on the pavement, don't work too hard
Don't work too hard, don't work too hard
Don't you work too hard, don't work too hard


ENUFF GUFF

I've had more than enough, most of the time
Don't talk to me about feeling fine
As each day ends, I've had it up to here
To make it all worse they've put tuppence on a beer

As each day breaks, I wanna hide
More often than not, I wanna throw in the towel
Around midday, I have to say
That the prospect of more, fills me with dismay

And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat

Down at the pub, at happy hour
We're swinging from by our necks and the beer's gone sour
As each day ends, I wanna cry
But when I see you I want to die

And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat
And now someone's sat in my seat, (sat in my seat again) again
And now someone's sat in my seat


WITCHING HOUR

In the witching hour, she had all the power in her hands, you understand
Well it got nearer still and clearer, take her by the horns and steer her to the rodeo
We’d put on quite a show

The clouds gave space, the moon gave light
We lay in fresh cut grass
The cows gave grace, the fools gave fright
Tonight my peak would pass

Ah aha aha...

In the witching hour, I did cease to flower, I ceased to sprout, 18 and out
With some coaxing and persuasion, I then rose to the occasion, then all subsided
Well I know I did

The clouds gave space, the moon gave light
We lay in fresh cut grass
The cows gave grace, the fools gave fright
Tonight my peak would pass

By the age of 30, you’ll be feeling dirty
Wave at me as you pass on your way out
So I’m at the age of 24, impotent for six years or more
And baby that must be the cruellest, the cruellest cut of all

Ooooh ooh ooh, watch that boy
Ooooh ooh ooh, playin’ that toy
Ooooh ooh ooh, it’s his pride and joy

In the witching hour, she had all the power in her hands, you understand
Well it got nearer still and clearer, take her by the horns and steer her to the rodeo
We’d put on quite a show

The clouds gave space, the moon gave light
We lay in fresh cut grass
The cows gave grace, the fools gave fright
Tonight my peak would pass
The clouds gave space, the moon gave light
We lay in fresh cut grass
The cows gave grace, the fools gave fright
Tonight my peak would pass
Tonight my peak would pass



All songs ©The Vulcans 2002
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